suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
