WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
