so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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