I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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