break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
