"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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