Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
