I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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