READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
