dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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