Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
