Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
