She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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