Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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