3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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