Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
