My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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