Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
