Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
