And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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