I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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