it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
