I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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