I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
