i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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