I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
