I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have already put on my inside pants.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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