I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
