My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
