Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
