you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
