Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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