So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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