I wanna bring you to show and tell
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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