i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
