is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
