if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
