Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
