My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
