we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
