He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
