i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
