So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
