Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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