It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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