she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize