the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
