She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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