Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
