What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
